Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

You are like me, then.

The doctor said 'be happy.' Music therapy can help cancer patients do that - NPR

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

The sadness was still there.

Be who you already are.

Van der Zande On Pole at The Glen for Acura MSR - Sportscar365

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

'Orthorexia' Is More And More Common. Here's What You Should Know About It. - HuffPost

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

It’s still here.

NASA sounds alarm over massive planetary anomaly spreading worldwide traced to unknown forces beneath Earth’s crust - Glass Almanac

I had run out of hope.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Cannabis can pack an unexpected punch for older users, experts warn - OregonLive.com

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

I was tired of trying and failing.

And the sadness?

Horoscope for Wednesday, June 11, 2025 - Chicago Sun-Times

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Microsoft Installs Emergency Update On Windows PCs - Forbes

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It’s here now, writing to you.

Why do I get spun and then want big fat cocks to suck?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Horoscope for Saturday, June 14, 2025 - Chicago Sun-Times

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

I was tired of fighting.